Arguing with parents

When my father was alive, sometimes I would have arguments with him, and at the end of the argument it was always he who had the upper hand, and I used to find it very unfair. Now that I have a grown-up son and I am filling up the parent's shoes, I see myself doing the same thing what my father was doing with me. I am always trying to prove that as a parent, whatever I am saying is right and has to be accepted. You know a child arguing with a parent, especially an Indian parent is like a PhD level course in losing. Parents are like professors, who are never wrong.

Me and my son have arguments over this as well. He tells me, why do I think I am always right. Which I feel is fair enough. I never had guts to question my father like this. It is the parenting style also. I gave that space and freedom to my child to question me, which my father never gave to me. Indian parents always have counter arguments with their children. For e.g. a grown-up child when says will come home late, the parent will bring up all possible reasons saying why it's unsafe to be out till late at night. They will treat their children as adult or children based on their own convenience.

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Trust me, adult child parenting is also not easy and at the same time it is not easy for the grown-up child also to deal with nagging parents. As parents, we throw all our emotions on children; we blackmail them emotionally, and we have a memory archive with all back-ups. We keep going back in past, relating things, making them feel why they still do not have the ability to be independent. Trust me, I am also doing this at times. As a young boy my son was careless, but now he is grown up, becoming responsible but there are times when I go back to his careless days and keep relating to it.

Then there are comparisons that we parents like to make with other children. Another boy got a job, got married, has kids now. When will my child do all of these things? There is constant comparison and judgement being made, in the bargain having countless arguments with them. Grown up children do find all of this irritating, but having said all of that, from parents' perspective, it is just their illogical way of loving their child. It may feel irritating but it is their care and love, they just do not know how to do it in the right manner.

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