it's been over a year now

That I have been totally exhausted. I have moments when I think I will be alright. Then it just returns. A few Dr. appts. nothing showed up. "yet" the yet is weird and hard to handle. Like, am I creating a disease so they can find something or would I rather just have my life and energy back? I'm also finding that even with medicare now. I have no idea what it will pay for. I have not followed up on a bunch of things. Should I give details? It doesn't matter does it. I used to think having someone to talk to about this would help. I don't think it does. But how do I know? Maybe I'm still alive because they listened to me at my appointments. They didn't heal me or cure me. They did let me talk. One disappointing thing is I probably can't afford to live anyway. It's expensive. I don't have the money. So it's Vaya Con Dios? Yeah, that's what it looks like. It takes a lot of people to support the wealthy. I no longer can support them. I had dreamed of painting into old age and at every turn that gets ripped away from me. I wanted to be a painter since I was 5 years old in Kindergarten at Carson Street elementary school. Most of my art has been thrown in the trash at several points of crisis in my life. So there it goes...