A Winter Arc, I Guess

It’s called a winter arc, and I honestly don’t know why it has become such a phenomenon. I don’t know. It just feels much easier to do cardio in winter, and that’s pretty amazing.

Going all in at the gym hasn’t helped me as much as I expected. If anything, I’ve become more frustrated with myself.

I’m asthmatic, so breathing can be difficult in certain seasons, especially when exercising. But working out has definitely helped me feel healthier, and I haven’t needed as many shots as I used to.

Never enough. That’s dysmorphia, I guess. I don’t know if I have it, but I’ve never really looked in the mirror and thought I look good. Nothing ever seems good enough, and I think that feeling carries over into other things as well. Feels like a universal human nature.

I don’t need a drastic cut, but I’ve been dieting quite aggressively. Strangely, I’ve felt better in some ways, even as I’ve lost weight. I’ve increased my cardio and daily steps as well. I’m in a calorie deficit, and it has helped fix my sleep schedule because I get tired more easily.

One thing I’ve noticed is that I sometimes feel completely drained after a full day of work. Even my breathing feels more noticeable, and there are times when I feel like I could faint. That’s a serious concern, especially when I imagine people actually seeing me collapse. Distraction has practically been evicted, too. There’s barely any room for it when I feel fogged up all the time.

There are moments in the middle of a workout when I have to think about whether I’ll even be able to walk home if I push myself any further. That’s a strange place to be in.

At home, though, I feel quite at ease.
honestly I don’t know what to make of it all.